“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” ~Proverbs 3:5-6
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” ~Proverbs 16:9
“Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.” ~Proverbs 19:21
SO, the purpose of this note isn’t to state the obvious……. We all know that God’s plans for us are probably, most likely, 99.9% of the time going to be different than our own plans for us. Even if it seems like the best plan in the world, one that God should agree with just because it is us, doing his will, spreading his word, leading others to him. He should agree with our plan because it is good……… in our own eyes. As you know I plan to go to Africa this summer. We’ve hit a few snags along the way in regards to planning, health, and affordability. Through this the Lord has definitely gotten my attention. My 2009 was going to be different than the past 3 years have been. I was going to focus on Christ and keep my focus there. I was going to be healthy and stay away from having to go to the doctor……. we were quite excited when I hadn’t gone the entire fall semester, only to have that changed in an extremely difficult and stressful way. Africa…….. oh Africa, the two week trip I was going to make this summer with a very amazing friend of mine. I wasn’t going to worry about being single and I was going to enjoy the multiple weddings I have this summer……. Or I guess I should say in the month of June alone.
Exhibit A: Health
I have been doing amazing. I went the entire fall semester without going to the doctor. I had been eating healthy and was going to the rec if I felt the need to go, which sadly was not very often. I was staying healthy (according to a pair of sisters it was because I was laughing a lot and releasing endorphins into my body and that was apparently the only reason I was staying healthy?). The catch here, and God’s crazy way of getting my attention, was that I found out I am a diabetic on New Year’s Eve. Talk about bringing in the new year the right way, this is definitely not the way I had planned it. How is a college student supposed to be able to change their entire diet, work out daily, and be able to afford medicine the rest of your life, let alone to live? BUT God, yet again, showed his faithfulness. Maybe I was worrying to much about life; while the trip to Africa is exciting and for the will of God, maybe I was worrying about raising money, who was going, and that darn plane ride. While it is a stressful situation to be put in (for the rest of your life) 2 months before you turn 22 and while you are planning your graduation and a trip to Africa, God has sent little signs showing that he is definitely faithful. Letters, smiles, hugs, and visits from friends……… fellowship in the name of Christ. I now really have to eat healthy: low carb diet, very little sugar, a lot of vegetables, chicken, and fruit. Not the “healthy” eating mentioned before. I have to exercise……. A LOT!!! This is like turning into a gym rat exercising a lot.
Exhibit B: Graduation and guys
Graduation is stressful on its own, mainly the real world that waits after it and having to find a “big person’s” job. I am excited to graduate and not have to do any homework, at least not for a while. I have yet to look for a job. Right now I’m unsure of what I want to do, and God may change my mind after a trip to Africa. Thing is, I’m not too worried about it because I know God has got it lined up for me and I have faith that I’ll find out soon enough.
Weddings…….. I have plenty to attend this summer, well, the month of June anyways. I have this thing with guys, I doubt any girl would know what I’m talking about. I am impatient and tired of singleness (thank God for Valentine’s day…… also known as S.A.D. (singles awareness day). If anybody cares to join me, I’ll be, well, alone ). ANYWAYS, I was slightly crushed in a situation early in the new year. BUT at the moment, I know that it is probably better to be single. Not only would I not have time for a boyfriend, but God wants my full attention; ALL of my attention. Not just me and God time here and there, he wants it ALL with nothing else blocking my view of him!!!! And I intend to give it to him.
Exhibit C: Africa
So this Africa thing; it has changed so many times in the past WEEK alone, it is just crazy. First it was two weeks at the end of July. NOW I am going for pretty much the ENTIRE MONTH of July. For this, I’m super excited!!!! All of you know that I’ve been worrying about it. I am not necessarily worried about being in Africa and being homesick or anything. I think that I’m more worried about the plane ride over there and the fact that I’m claustrophobic; and now diabetic so there will be a few extra precautions we will have to take. The other worry was whether I would be going with some friends (which was how it was originally planned) or if I would be going alone. This was a very upsetting concept for me: go thousands of miles away from home alone. Originally, the friend who got me thinking about going in the first place would be going with me. As of a few hours ago, there are more important things going on in their life (exciting more important things…… and I know in my heart they made the correct decision to not go, even after talking everything over with me and asking me whether they should go or not…. lol) and I am now making this journey alone with unfamiliar people (All time fave for this Joshua 1:9). SO, while my heart is broken and I’m a little bit hurt, finally making a decision on whether or not they were going to go has released a lot of stress and frustration. While I’m slightly upset that they will not be going, I’m definitely not as upset as I thought I’d be; haven’t shed a tear YET anyways. I was actually more upset that the Cards just lost the Super Bowl than I am that I’m going to embarking on this journey to an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. This could be because I’m just extremely exhausted right now, but I think it is God’s calming hand on my shoulder…….. rubbing my head or back or arm the way Merrilee and Shannon always do when they know I’m upset…… haha :)
This is definitely the most difficult change to make, at this point in time even more difficult than diabetes. I’m not one to enjoy doing things on my own. I’m very fearful and scared of different and uncomfortable situations. This is where my thinking has shifted greatly lately. Maybe God has something bigger and better planned through this (I hope anyways). Maybe he wants me to become vulnerable and uncomfortable in life just to spread his word. Just maybe this is what he wants from me…….. but who knows, other than God himself of course. Oh, btw, I’m up to almost 57% of my fundraising already…… it shot up about 10% in a day this past week…… how crazy is that?!?!?!
All of these situations right now are shifting my attitude towards God. I worry a lot. Yes I said it, I do worry entirely too much and I know all of you would agree (moved out of the stage of denial Alyssa…… get over it =P). God is just this calming force (Philippians 4:6-7 oddly enough was the TMS verse this week for me....... crazy I know). While I may need a hug in the near future because I let everything soak in and it all hits me, I know he has his ways. They are HIS ways, not my own. I can make a plan and map out my entire life, but I’m learning not to be overly upset when God decides to change it up on you. As stated by Kurt Warner recently when asked about retiring after the Super Bowl, “Sometimes you say 'I could still do this,' but God calls you to something else. And then there’s other times when you say 'Well this is the perfect ending.' And then God says 'No, I've still got more for you.’” (http://blogs.usatoday.com/thehuddle/2009/01/warner-wont-com.html).
Ultimately God is in control. There are things that we cannot change, so why worry about them? Why not just pray and sit back and watch God do his work? Why not trust in him? He made the earth and sky, he cares for the birds of the air and the flowers, so what do we have to be afraid of?
Just thought I’d fill you all in on some thoughts running through my head right now. Love you all!!! Thanks for the prayer and encouragement and love through the difficulties. It means more than you all know and prayer is bigger and does bigger things than we really will ever know. If I could ask you to continue to pray for me, that would be amazing. God is so great and I'm glad he has blessed me with so many amazing friends!!! <3 .
Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
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